• It’s always been interesting to me that trust seems to be something that is assumed right away in a relationship. You don’t earn it, or have to work for it, it’s just there.
Like starting a game with points on the board, there’s a baseline level of trust that comes with every new relationship. Basically, the way it goes is that you trust the other person until they give you reason not to. Right? Seems easy enough.
The thing I find most provocative, though, is that it’s not a simple exchange program. Whether it be a relationship ending whopper or just a carefully placed white lie, someone can not do one thing to break your trust, then one thing to earn it back. It’s simply not the case. More often, there is an indeterminable period of fragility, hard work and repair that must take place just to reset the relationship to its original place.
I suppose what both parties have to decide is if the relationship is worth it to repair. I think most people would agree that sometimes it’s a good thing to scrap the mess and start fresh; but sometimes we need to just keep going, through the messiness and imperfection of it all to get to where we want to be. I haven’t always done this well.
I’m not naturally a very trusting person and I especially hate feeling vulnerable; but I keep trying to tell myself that this is how people grow: by stretching ourselves through discomfort instead of shutting down. This is how we get closer to others, closer to our dreams, and closer to the people who we want to be. It’s how we learn about ourselves and identify areas for improvement.
Sigh. I’m working on it.
